As a leader, compassion is one of the key skills you should be developing. It’s so important, in fact, that I have a whole blog post dedicated to it!

But it’s not just about having compassion for others. It’s also about treating yourself compassionately. In this blog post, I’m going to explore what self-compassion is, and why having it makes you a better leader.

But it’s not just about having compassion for others. It’s also about treating yourself compassionately. In this blog post, I’m going to explore what self-compassion is, and why having it makes you a better leader.

What is self-compassion?

Self-worth. Self-respect. Self-love. Today we have a whole range of terms to describe how we relate to and treat ourselves – or at least, how we’d like to. So to avoid confusion, let’s start by defining self-compassion.

As Dr Kristin Neff quite literally wrote the book on the subject, I think her definition is a good one to use. She says that self-compassion is made up of three components:

Common humanity – The recognition that all humans make mistakes and feel pain. You’re not alone in your suffering, but rather experiencing something deeply human and relatable.

Self-kindness – Treating yourself as you would a dear friend who’s experiencing something difficult, rather than getting caught up in unproductive, unhealthy negative self-talk.

Mindfulness – Keeping your feelings and reactions as right-sized as possible, neither dismissing nor wallowing in them. By being aware of them in the moment, you’re also reminding yourself that they’ll pass.

Putting those together, we get a good sense of what self-compassion is all about. It means recognising that you’re a flawed human, just like anyone else. That even when you make mistakes, you deserve kindness in response to them. And that whatever you’re feeling won’t last forever, and more than likely you can change your circumstances for the better.

How does self-compassion look in the workplace?

There are myriad ways to apply self-compassion to your work life. One of the most impactful is setting boundaries, based on an honest assessment of your needs and abilities.

Setting boundaries can be hard. You might fear what’ll happen if you say you can’t take something on, or worry that you’ll overburden your colleagues. Or you might see having no boundaries at work as a sign of strength – ‘I can do anything, just try me’.

But of course, no one can do everything. In order to do your job well, you need to know the scope of your role, and take time to rest and refresh yourself. You can only keep all the plates spinning for so long before they come crashing down…

Self-compassion also encourages a failure-positive mindset, so if you do drop those plates you can analyse why and learn from it, rather than beating yourself up. In an article for Harvard Business Review, Rich Fernandez and Steph Stern explain:

“Self-compassionate people have standards as high as people who lack self-compassion, but […] those with high self-compassion are less likely to be unduly and unproductively hard on themselves if they didn’t meet their own standards.”

Why does self-compassion make you a better leader?

That same HBR article includes a list of five specific leadership skills which align with the benefits of self-compassion:

Higher EQ – Some studies have linked the practice of self-compassion to increased emotional intelligence.

Resilience – As noted above, self-compassion helps you have a healthier response to failures and setbacks. As a leader, you can bring this attitude to your team’s missteps as well; it “supports you as you navigate setbacks, regain clarity, and move forward productively.

Growth mindset – People who choose to hone their self-compassion skills then to be more focused on personal growth, developing a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset.

Integrity – As you might expect, the reflection and positive action which self-compassion requires often lead to more accountability and conscientiousness, both important leadership qualities.

Compassion – If you can learn to be compassionate towards yourself, it’s much easier to extend it to other people, too.

Along with that list of leadership qualities, I would point to some tangible workplace benefits of being a leader with strong self-compassion.

By setting boundaries and staying in touch with how you’re feeling, you’re better able to avoid burnout – which of course could make you unavailable to your team, either because you’re checked out mentally or because you need time off.

By modelling healthy accountability and goal-setting, you can encourage a balanced workplace culture.

And by being upfront about your struggles and successes, and demonstrating compassion towards others, you’ll make your team much more likely to be open with you about their problems.

Practising self-compassion can have real, tangible benefits for you as a leader. But it’ll also help you stay emotionally healthy, enabling you to set goals for your future career and meet the challenges along the way with a positive mindset.